DayOne: Delete all pictures from computer hardrive. Yeah, we looked good at Junior Prom, but I'm not in high school no more!! click,click: DELETED.
Yeah, the truth is, I kinda want to keep them. I mean, not only are they great memories but we look pretty good too!.. *sigh*. Well, I gotta do what I gotta do, and its no good having to be reminded of the past everyday, a past that is no longer the present and most likely won't be the future, so.. here I go!
* this is day one of a fifteen day program i have for myself.. allowing myself only these days to suck it up and move on. I have too much going for me, too much life to live to wallow in despair. I plan to be fully "recovered" by the end of this, so friends, i need all the help I can get lol! don't let me talk about (for all you Harry Potter Fans): hewhomustnotbenamed lol OR tell you the story for the umpteenth time! Slap me if you have to! -Well, I don't think you would have to but tell me the truth. Even thought it may hurt, I want to get through this.. I have to get through this =)
Can you feel it ? Can you hear it? My whole world is dying. The whole world is crying out for you It's ,Black and White so simple right? Everyone has to die, I sigh I hope he told the angels "no" "Heaven can wait , don't wanna go" I hope he tried, or did he Scream ? I hope he danced; he made me dream made me Keep (the) faith , and made me jam was exactly like my surrogate dad He brightened up my younger years made my Childhood now I'm in tears, introduced me to Ben , let me paint the town He made me Smile when I was down He helped me see my light within and showed me how to give and live I want you back , I need you BAD In my eyes, you are "The man!" Your music makes the world go round And in your words, I have found and eternal happiness unabound ...I Cry ... Although you are gone and its undeniable true I will never, and Just Can't Stop Loving You
I want a love like me thinking of you thinking of me thinking of you type love or me telling my friends more than I’ve ever admitted to myself about how I feel about you type love or hating how jealous you are but loving how much you want me all to yourself type love or seeing how your first name just sounds so good next to my last name.
and shit- I wanted to see how far I could get without calling you and I barely made it out of my garage.
See, I want a love that makes me wait until she falls asleep then wonder if she’s dreaming about us being in love type love or who loves the other more or what she’s doing at this exact moment or slow dancing in the middle of our apartment to the music of our hearts.
Closing my eyes and imagining how a love so good could just hurt so much when she’s not there and shit I love not knowing where this love is headed type love.
And check this- I wanna place those little post-it notes all around the house so she never forgets how much I love her type love
then not have enough ink in my pen to write all the love type love and hope I make her feel as good as she makes me feel type love and (I want her to distract me from whatever I’m doing type love)
and just like in high school I wanna spend hours on the phone not saying shit and then fall asleep and then wake up with her right next to me and smell her all up in my covers type love and I wanna deal with my friends making fun of me the way I made fun of them when they went through the same kind of love type love.
The only difference is this is one of those real type loves I wanna try counting the ways I love her then lose count in the middle just so I could start all over again
(I wanna breakdown the time we spend into seconds just so it sounds like we spend more time together type love) (and also like in high school) I wanna celebrate one of those one-month anniversaries even though they ain’t really anniversaries but doing it just ‘cause it makes her happy type love
and I wanna fall in love with the melody the phone plays when her number’s dial into it then talk to you until I lose my breath, she leaves me breathless, but with the expanding of my lungs I inhale all of her back into me.
I want a love that makes me need to change my cell phone calling plan to something that allows me to talk to her longer ‘cause in all honesty, I want to avoid one of them high cell phone bill type loves
and I want a love that makes me regret how small my hands are I mean the lines on my palms don’t give me enough time to love you as long as I’d like to type love
and I want a love that makes me st-st-st-stutter just thinking about how strong this love is type love and I want a love that makes me want to cut off all my hair…
Well maybe not all of the hair, maybe like I’d cut the split ends and trim the mustache but it would still be a symbol of how strong my love is for her.
I kind of feel comfortable now so I can tell you this I even be fantasizing about walking out on a green light just dying to get hit by a car just so I could lose my memory, get transported to some third world country just to get treated and somehow meet up again with you so I could fall in love with you in a different language and see if it still feels the same type love.
I want a love that’s as unexplainable as she is
And I’m married, and she’s the one I share this love with.
*I DECIDED TO SHARE THIS BECAUSE I AM THINKING OF STARTING MY OWN VIDEO POETRY BLOG ON YOU TUBE AND THIS IS ONE OF THE POEMS THAT INSIRED IT =)
I recently just started watching the show True Blood even though the season is over! I caught it on On Demand and I love it. I thought it would be some semblance of Twilight and that it was just a cheesy copycat show, but it's really good. It's kinda like a horror/suspense movie broken up into a series. It has a captivating, suspenseful plot and very interesting characters. True Blood is definitely worth watching. I even bought it on sale from Best Buy for 20 bucks. Can't wait for the next season! 5 stars! =) ★★★★★
The greatest peace of mind is having no expectations at all!.. no worries, anxiety or being anxious waiting for something to happen or someone to come through. Everything really is all good when you just "go with the flow". I'm working on living by that right now. I am getting over the expectation of a promise that was empty and broken from the start: someone promising that they will always want to be with me and that we will be together in the end. Me being a pessimist and downright logical from the start doubted that this would happen and started thinking of reasons why this promise wouldn't be fulfilled... um.. he gets abducted by aliens, gets called to fight in an intergalactic war or turns out to be a man posing as a woman pretending to be a man lol ! I know, not the most logical circumstances, right? Well to me, those could be the only reasons I would accept him not coming back to me. So in other words, I believed there could be no reason at all. ... Until I realized that anything could happen, and that promises are meant to be broken. And that we are young, so who cares if we don't keep our promises! Most of all, I realized that the time I spend thinking about or hoping for the future when/if we do get back together, I am not fully living in the present. I could deprive myself and whoever I happen to be with in the future of the best "me" possible.. and I don't want to do that. Hence, this "Revelation" lol ... and the rebirth of a new me. A "Me" that's not living in the past, but the present and not for something that most likely wont happen in the future, and I'm o.k. with that. =)
I am brown skinned. Despite what you say, the color comes in a plethora of shades. Amazed and outraged, you have to put me in a category You have the chief authority and are you one of those who calls pumpernickel bread black bread? oh, your eyes must be closed because I am not the color of the street. So you call me dark skinned and I say repeat?? Like I'm a totally different species... You say "Hey,Darkie!" and I can't even speak? I can't even speak. I laugh and clench my fists in heat My senses cool me down. I know that I am brown. You are pretty- for a dark skinned girl, what an ignorant thing to say You are black like me and we are not slaves I am not out in the field and "lighter" is not a better grade of shade. Our price He payed This is not back way way back in the day Before the enlightenment of young minds, Before the betterment of the worse times. And if I was darker I would not mind. I would not be down. It's just the negativeness associated with it is where I don't have the time.
*“I am not tragically colored. There is no great sorrow dammed up in my soul, nor lurking behind my eyes. I do not mind at all. . ." - Zora Neale Hurston
this is a video one of my really close friends jasmine showed me one day that her cousin showed to her. it's really funny and believe it or not i find myself watching it sometimes to make me laugh or just lighten up my mood!
We had Chinese food last night for dinner. My mom gets it when she has to work that night and is too tired too cook. I love the fortune cookies. I don't know why, it's definitely not the taste that gets me. I guess it's just interesting to read the fortune inside. They're sometimes really funny or just coincidentally on point. Mine said: "A new friend helps you break out of an old routine." And sure enough, that's just what an old but kind of new friend has been helping me do. I am grateful for him caring and appreciate all his advice and being there to listen. He's helping me to understand that sooner or later this story I keep finding myself having to tell has to be put on the shelf sooner or later ... for good. And that its best for me to just pick up a new one ... and move on. I can't live my life based on empty promises. I have to let it go... and forgive. =) LOL!. I was thinking just that when I read it. ; )
at&t is majorly b.s'n right about now. I ordered this phone last month from the official AT&T website on the 20th and a week later got an e-mail saying it was out of stock. Messed up, right? Why would they let me order a phone that was out of stock? strangely enough it is STILL listed on the website as available. I was still told that it would be shipped to me when the item becomes available and here it is on the !17th! and I am still new-phoneless. We even called and wanted to cancel the order but was told that wasn't possible and that I would just have to wait until it ships... whenever that is! They don't even know. SMFH. Somethin' ain't right.
I saw "Precious" with my cousins last month during thanksgiving break. It was so real and touching and raw. You know I had to drop a tear or two.. or three... or THIRTY! Cuz I'm a waterhead lol. Anyway the story is about a 17 year old girl who has been sexually and physically aboused by her parents since she was a baby. Most scenes are very painful to watch but overall it was a very well produced and effective movie. It was effective in portaying Sapphires vision; the author of the book "Push" on which the movie is based. The end of the movie seemed to be a cliffhanger and I still had many questions about the character "Precious" and decided to read the book. I am still workin' on it and will tell you how it is, but so far it is very different from the movie concerning the characterization of the characters mostly. If you have a chance or are interested, you should definitely pick it up.
The most impressive part of this "experience" for me was the actress playing Precious Jones, Gabourey Sidibe. She is a 26 year old student from Harlem and has attended several colleges in New York. In interviews and in everyday life she is the complete opposite of her character, expectedly; after all, she is just playing a role. She is well spoken, confident and has a pretty, bubbly vibe. She has a glow. She has it. She also, surprsingly had had no acting experience prior to this movie. She was not a trained actor at the time of her audition and it wasn't her dream. She auditioned on a whim at the urging of her friends... and she got the role!
If Mo'nique deserves an award for playing her mother, Mary Jones in the movie, so does she. Sidibe had to take herself to a painful place that she had never known. She had to think negative thoughts about herself to psycologically prepare for the role. And she rocked it. She is an inspiration and I applaud her for her excellent performance as a rookie in her very first movie, "Precious". I hope and believe that she will win an award for this one. =)
""
Hurt me in the middle of December Cuz by the time spring comes around, i won't remember the cold will numb me. your love had spun me into a winter-wonderland My name is Alice, take my hand (he) squeezed it with malice then began, to let me go Down into the rabbbit hole. Couldn't see nothing but dark Couldn't feel nothing but cold; his heart. only the warm, art of spring's masterpiece could tame me, my heart and in the awe of its beauty,
This sh** was all I know,you and me only,and I did it all for you,still you were lonely,we coulda worked it out,uhh, but i guess things change,its funny how someone else’s success brings pain,when ya no longer involved that person has it all,and you just stuck standing there.
Trey Songz' new album, Ready is where its at. Not only does it have girls wanting to go to bed with him, it has guys singing along shamelessly to every song. Whether it be one of the dishboys in the dishroom at my job singing along to "Successful" and "Invented Sex" to while in the car with a group of my homeboys and hearing them sing every single lyric of "Jupiter Love". Do they feel gay? No. They will confidently say without having a tongue-ring or a pink shirt on that Trey Songz is the man. And he is. So that is why I am up at 1 0'clock in the morning blasting Trey. Hearing his voice does make you wanna say his name. But one song in particular, I'm lovin' right now. Neighbors Know My Name. And if you combine this song with lookn at Trey's album cover it will make your day... and night ; )
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I bet the neighbors know my name
Way you screamin scratchin yellin,
Bet the neighbors know my name
They be stressin while we sexin,
I bet the neighbors know my name My name my name
I bet the neighbors know my name My my my...
[Verse 1]
Take this pillow right here (grab this)
And I know youre so excited if you bite it they wont hear
And you know juss what we capable of, when we makin love
So the music gone be loud, you gone screamand shout
Girl your body's a problem, they call me the problem solver
Let phone sit on the charger, it could ring all night
They can call, they can knock, and be upset, but I bet ...
[Verse 2]
I I be bangin on yo body, they be bangin on our wall
While they dreamin, you be screamin now they bangin on our door
Sometimes she call me Trey, sometimes she say Tremaine
When its all said and done bet the neighbors know my name
Sometimesshe call me Trigga cause I make her body bust
He might think my name is "oh sh-", I make her cuss
for anyone who is just learning to drive and needs an empty parking lot to do so on, do not choose a "private" one, because two creepy guys will come out of the door and stare at you with thier hands on thier hips. smh and if that isn't annoying enough, I will tell you exactly what will hapen after that if you decide to not take heed to what I say:
your driving session will have to come to an abrupt end
... because your mom told you to stop driving in her loud tone of voice
when you get out of the driving seat to switch passenger's with your mom ... they will still be staring
you'll be thinking " I know they feel reeeaal gay right about now" and as soon as you think that, they will realize that they have had thier hands on thier hips and try to play it off
on your way back to the passenger's seat, you will mock and look straight at them with your hands on your hips, also
you will feel satisfied and giggle to yourself
your mom will bop you on the head (which doesn't feel like anything, but you let her think it does by saying "Ow, Mom!!" and then she will be satisfied ... and shake her head
and say thats why you shouldn't be driving
and then laugh too
then you and your mom will laugh about how ridiculous they looked the whole ride home
=) LOL that's what happened today after I finally renewed my license and my mom let me drive. My permit picture, might I add is exceptionally cute! I was so happy .. until these two creepers cut my driving session short. BUT, no worries, there's always tomorrow .. and the next day. I'll be on the road in no time lol, blasting MJ and actin' a fool ; )
Jourdan Dunn and Chanel Iman are two amazingly beautiful African -American supermodels and now, surprisingly good friends. Initially pitted against eachother by the media and modeling industry, they were made to look at each other as competition instead of as they were breaking racial barriers together. Similiar in incident to the past "beef" between Tyra Banks and Iman, they finally decided to stop fighting each other, because they found that that only made situations worse. Chanel said in the November Issue of Teen Vogue that , "The only way to improve the situation is to come together". And they did. They do thier best to make sure that black faces are seen in ads like Gap, Nieman Marcus , Victoria's Secret and H&M. They share the same idea that I do: when I open up a magazine, I should be able to see someone who looks like me in it. After all, I am a consumer too, and sellers must appeal to buyers. Iman and Dunn are two extraordinary women. They inspire and "wow" me.
Smh ... If only I was taller =/
*Jourdan is 19; Chanel is 20
*Chanel signed with Ford Models when she was !16! *Jourdan is from London; Chanel is from Atlanta *Chanel has been the first African American model to grace the cover of Vogue twice. *Chanel is 5'9; Jourdan is 5'10 *Jourdan was featured on British Vogue's 2008 November Cover *Dunn was named "Best Model of the Year" at the British Fashion Awards and has walked over *90 shows during the 2009 season. * Chanel walked the Victoria's Secret Runway 2009
Hey! For everybody who has seen this picture in the library or on a fan somewhere I will most definitely answer two questions for you... 1) Yes, It is me with the crab & 2) NO! They are not my real family lol.. they were all paid models to do a print ad for BACVA, the Baltimore Area Convention and Visitor's Association. It was a project to promote families having thier Family Reunions in Baltimore. The Ad was to focus on all the great attractions we have right here from the Maryland Zoo, to the Reginald F. Lewis Museum. Yes, we do look like we are happy and having fun, but the truth is we were reeeally tired and it was freezing outside =/ . Even the wind was blowing.. But, thank you to all who said that you liked it and I hope that there will be many more print modeling opportunities that come my way =)
